Notes: It has been pointed out to Daisuke that this *could* have been *much* worse for him, so if he comes whining to you that he's been mistreated, don't listen.

Daisuke: You're mean.
Crysi: ^^;;;

The only thing that frightens me about this is that I'm making it into a universe, and that's just creepy. Anyhoo....

Also, would someone tell me what everyone calls each other in the manga? I'm tired of not knowing.

Oh yeah...Daisuke's thoughts are / / and Dark's are // //

----------------------
The Drag Fic or Satoshi Gets *Really* Lucky, but Not Lucky Enough for the Fangirls

By Crysi, who is sorry that the ending sucks

The girl in the mirror was more pretty and cute than sexy. She wore a fuzzy, white blouse with dark fringe at the bottom and a short black skirt with black buckle-shoes. Her shoulder-length hair was smoothed down with copious amounts of gel and held by two clips with white feathers on them. "Her" name was Daisuke Niwa.

"I can't do this."

Emiko smiled brightly. "Of *course* you can. You look absolutely fine."

"Why do I have to check it out beforehand? I never had to before," he pointed out.

Emiko sighed. "Well, sweetie, after last time, I think it might be a good idea."

"It's not like Hiwatari-kun *hurt* me..."

//He didn't hurt *you*.//

/Or you either, because he didn't want to hurt *me*./

"But he *might* hurt you, even if he doesn't *mean* to," said Emiko . "Being there early might help."

//I don't like close calls any more than she does.//

/So you agree with her?/

//We might as well.//

"/Okay./" Daisuke glanced at the mirror again. "But...couldn't the skirt be longer?"

"But it looks so *cute*!"

//But you have nice legs.//

"/.../"

"Well it *does*."

//Well you *do*.//

Daisuke closed his eyes. "And you *promise* With will pretend to be asleep when my friends come?"

Emiko ruffled his hair. "Of course."

***

Takeshi grinned as you ran out of the school and shouted, "Guess what? Dark Mousy's..." He paused. "Where's...?"

Risa shrugged. "He wasn't in school today. *What* about Dark?"

"Oh yeah." Takeshi grinned. "He's gonna hit the Gallery the day after tomorrow, and steal the Hi no Bara. That sword-thing that's going to be on special exhibit."

Risa grabbed Riku's arm. "We *have* to go. Can you imagine..."

Riku rolled her eyes. "I don't want to go see that pervert..."

"Who is going to give Daisuke-kun him schoolwork?"

Everyone turned to stare at Satoshi. The boy continued, "Aren't you worried? He's rarely sick."

Riku nodded "We should go see him."

***

Daisuke grimaced as he trudged home. He plucked nervously at his skirt as he walked up to the door. Voiced came from inside the house. Recognizable voices. Voices of his classmates. After a moment, Daisuke sighed and walked into the house, coming face to face with Satoshi.

Satoshi blinked. His eyes traveled slowly up and down and then his mouth quirked. "Hello. I don't believe we've met. I'm Satoshi Hiwatari."

Takeshi walked up behind Satoshi. "Who are you...wow." Daisuke blushed as Takeshi's jaw dropped. Takeshi maneuvered around Satoshi and took Daisuke's hand in his. "Takeshi Saehara. *Very* pleased to meet you, and how are you related to Daisuke, and will you be going to our school, and may I ask you out on a date?"

//See? It's the legs.//

/Shut *up* you pervert!/

//What? I can't be *wrong* if he reacts *that* way.//

Daisuke pulled his hand out of Takeshi's grasp. "I'm Daisuke's cousin, Ai Niwa. And I'm just visiting for a few days."

Riku and Risa walked up. Riku smiled at Daisuke. "Hi, I'm Riku Harada and this is Risa. We're Daisuke-san's classmates."

"It's nice to meet you." Daisuke smiled at the twins.

Takeshi waved a hand in front of Daisuke's face. "Hey, do you want to come toe the opening of the special exhibit at the Gallery with me? I'm going to be keeping a lookout for Dark Mousy."

Daisuke tipped his head. "The Phantom Thief? He's really cool..."

//Thank you.//

/I'm only saying it because most girls think so./

Riku rolled her eyes. "Doesn't *anyone* else see that he's a pervert?"

"I defended a girl from him once," said Takeshi. "That makes me cool too, right?"

"Um..."

"You're HOME!" Emiko rushed in and hugged Daisuke. "You're *late*, " she said, then she turned and smiled at the others. "Shouldn't' you be getting home? I don't want your parents to get upset..."

Riku nodded. "Yeah, we have to go. Bye."

Riku and Risa grabbed Takeshi on their way out and dragg3ed him away . Emiko waved until they were out of sight then went into the kitchen.

Satoshi waited for Daisuke to look at him before speaking. "So... Niwa-san, I hope to see you around." The boy flashed a rare smile and took Daisuke's hand in his. Satoshi lifted Daisuke's hand and pressed his lips to it. "Goodbye."

Satoshi strolled out the door and Daisuke stared after him.

/.../

//Okay...//

//He kissed my hand./

//Yes. It's probably the legs //

/Hiwatari-kun...kissed my hand./

//Yes.//

/Oh./

Daisuke passed out and hit the floor with a thud.

***

Daisuke awoke to see sunlight streaming in the window. He groaned and pulled the covers over his head.

/I'm not going there again. I'm not doing that again./

//Why not?//

/Because Hiwatari-kun will be setting up security and I don't. Want . To. See. Him./

//It's not like he *knows*...//

/I DON'T CARE!/

//Okay, okay! Jeez...But Emiko will make you go anyway.//

/.../

Emiko waltzed into the room and plopped onto the bed next to Daisuke. After a moment, she patted him on the head. "I know you don't' want to," she said, "but you really should go."

"Why?" asked Daisuke, his voice muffled by the covers.

"Because I don't want you to miss school for nothing, so get up please." Emiko patted Daisuke on the head again and left.

Ten minutes later, Daisuke was downstairs.

/How does she *do* this to me?/

//She's your mother. And she's good at it.//

Daisuke rolled his eyes. He waved to his father and said, "I'll be back for lunch, probably." Kosuke nodded as his son trotted out the door.

"The things he does," muttered Kosuke.

"He *does* put up with a lot," agreed his father-in-law.

Emiko glared at the two men. "What was THAT?"

"Nothing."

***

Daisuke took a deep breath as he walked into the Gallery. He glanced around and sighed with relief that only Inspector Saehara was there. Daisuke checked out the room the artifact was in, then strolled into a hall of paintings and rested on a white marble bench.

/Maybe he won't be here.../

//Maybe. Hey, are we *sure* he couldn't tell it was you?//

/I'm not even going to *consider* that idea./

//Why not? He's creepy, but he's not bad looking...//

/How can you eve be *saying* these things?/

/ *He* seems to be interested in *you*.//

/Oh *really*./

//Yes *really*.//

/And how do you know *that*?/

//He's standing at the end of the gallery and pointedly pretending not to look at you.//

/WHAT?/

Daisuke jerked and turned toward the end of the gallery. Satoshi was doing a rather bad job of not-stalking and staring at the ceiling.

/Oh. My. God./

//This is worse then when he's just stalking up normally.//

/STOP SAYING THOSE CREEPY THINGS!/

//If you go say hi, it won't be stalking anymore.//

/What will it be?/

//An informal meeting. Possibly a date. ^^//

/ ^_^x DAAAARK!/

//What?//

/I...you...I...Oh never *mind*.//

Daisuke rose, walked over to Satoshi, and looked up. "It's a nice ceiling."

//...That is the *lamest* pickup line ever.//

"/It's not a pickup line!/"

"..." Satoshi blinked and fought a smile. "I didn't think it was."

Daisuke blushed furiously. "This...this started badly."

Satoshi did give a small smile then. "It's nice to see you have your family's interest in art, Niwa...san."

"/.../"

//...//

Satoshi continued, "I was particularly impressed at the way you bypassed the guards on this floor, who were ordered to stop *anyone* and report them to me, and how you went into the room containing the Hi no Bara and came back out again without setting off any of the alarms. But won't your *cousin* be upset that you're doing his job?"

/How did he...?/

//He guessed. Because he didn't comment on the hiding in the bushes.//

/We *didn't*!/

//Yes, but he could have said so.//

/...You're strange./

Daisuke backed away from Satoshi slowly. "Ummmm..."

"Sorry." Satoshi rubbed his eyes. "I'm being unfair." He held out his hand. "Would you like to get something to eat?"

"But you don't usually..." Daisuke gulped as Satoshi's eyes glinted with interest behind his glasses. "Okay."

They walked in silence out of the museum and down the street. Traffic was crawling along the street and irate drivers yelled at Saehara for blocking half the street with a blockade. Satoshi shook his head and Daisuke stifled a laugh.

//Idiots.//

/What can he be setting up that needs a *blockade*?/

//Nothing that will work.//

/I know *that*./

Satoshi coughed quietly. "What do you think of the security?"

"It's nothing we can't handle./"

//It's nothing we can't handle.//

//...//

/...I said that out loud./

Satoshi glanced at the barrier again. "I'm sure Daisuke and Dark *will* handle it. The restaurant is just up the street."

/...If he didn't *say* anything.../

//...then he either *knows* it's you, or is in *really* bad from right now.//

/But if he *knows* it's me.../

//It *had* to be the legs.//

/WILL YOU SHUT *UP* ABOUT THAT?/

"Here we are."

Daisuke blinked at Satoshi, then up at he restaurant sign. "'Ohtori Café: House of the Rose.' Isn't that a bit pretentious?"

"That's how the Ohtori Company is." Satoshi held the door open for Daisuke. "And don't worry, I'll pay for both of us."

//Wow. He's even holding the *door* for you. And everyone says chivalry is dead.//

/I can hear you when you snicker, you know./

//This date is actually going pretty well.//

"/This is a *date*?/"

Satoshi politely ignored Daisuke's outburst and bought two bowls of shaved ice.

(Author's Note: BWAHAHAHA! You *WILL* sit through the pointless Utena references!)

Satoshi led Daisuke to a table, put the bowls down, and pulled a chair out for the other boy.

//Isn't he great?//

"Why shouldn't it be a date?" asked Satoshi.

Daisuke blushed. "'Cause...I mean...You know...I guess it's just weird."

"Why?"

"You *know* why," muttered Daisuke. Louder, he said, "I just met you yesterday..."

Satoshi smiled. "And yet I can already tell what kind of person you are."

"..." Daisuke blinked at the dish in front of him. "What is this?"

"Shaved ice. Raspberry flavored." Satoshi watched as Daisuke picked up a spoon and poked the mixture. "It won't hurt you."

Daisuke picked up a spoonful and gazed at it doubtfully. He put it in his mouth and swallowed. There was a pause.

For a while.

And more of a while.

Then, "It's good." Daisuke blinked. It's actually good."

Satoshi said, "Did you think I would take you to a place where the food was *bad*?"

"No! I mean...I just...Sorry. I didn't mean it that way." Daisuke sighed and said, "What flavor is yours?"

//I'm not sure you should ask that.//

/Why?/

//he might choose an *interesting* way to show you what flavor it is .//

/DAAAAARK!/

//Like you'd actually hate it.//

/SHUT UP!/

Daisuke blushed and Satoshi idly wondered what the internal conversation had led to this time. "It's strawberry," he responded.

"Oh." Daisuke gave a weak smile. "You like strawberries?"

"I like red things. And sweet things."

"/.../"

//That was blunt.//

"/.../"

"I'm sorry if I've upset you," said Satoshi. He reached out and squeezed Daisuke's hand. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to faint."

//You know, he *isn't* bad looking.//

/I guess not...but it's *Hiwatari-kun*./

//So your objection is...//

/I...He...I.../

//*You're* not dating anyone and neither is he.//

/But.../

//Hm?//

/.../

//Thought so.//

"Your shaved ice is melting."

Daisuke looked at the watery mix in the bowl. "Oh. Uhm. So...*is* this a date?"

//Yes.//

"Would that be comfortable for you?" Satoshi gave Daisuke a concerned look. "I honestly don't want to disturb you."

"It's okay," said Daisuke. "I just want to know."

Satoshi shrugged. "Then it *is* a date."

"Okay..." Daisuke thought for a moment. "Why would you be interested in me?"

//Other than the legs?//

/SHUT UP!/

Satoshi spoke. "You're a good person, with sweet, giving personality. You care deeply for others and you're a true and loyal friend. You try to work with people you might not get along with all that well, because you want to be a friend. You're' too nice for your own good at times. And...how can you not *know* how beautiful you are?"

Daisuke's mouth worked silently for a few moments, then snapped shut. For a while, all he could do was stare at Satoshi. Then he felt tears run down his face as Satoshi looked on in alarm.

//What is it?//

/He...said I'm beautiful./

//You *are*.//

/But...Nobody's ever *said* so. Everyone's impressed with *your* looks./

//Just because *I'm* gorgeous doesn't mean *you're* not.//

/Still.../

//Do you think he was lying?//

/...No./

Daisuke blinked when Satoshi brushed tears off his face. Then Daisuke said, "It's...I'm not crying because I'm sad. Just...nobody ever told me that before."

There was an odd look in Satoshi's eyes as he responded, "I'm glad I was the first then."

Daisuke sighed and met Satoshi's eyes. "Look, Hiwatari-kun, I..."

The door to the café burst open and Saehara (the elder) stepped in, grinning. "Commander, they said you'd come here, and guess what? There's no *way* Dark will get through what we have..." The man fell silent and stared at Daisuke. "Who is that?"

"She is Daisuke Niwa's cousin. Your son probably mentioned her," Satoshi said as he rose. He gestured for Daisuke to come. "Why don't you explain this plan that will definitely catch Dark."

Daisuke followed Satoshi and Saehara silently shaking his head at the details of the (highly intricate and pointless) plan to catch Dark.

/That *still* doesn't explain the blockade./

//At least we know why Takeshi is the way he is.//

/I didn't want to know *this* badly./

Daisuke slipped away from Saehara and Satoshi and crept to the room where the Hi no Bara rested in its case. He looked the artifact over. The Hi no Bara was a short, straight sword. The blade was a strange sort of blood-red crystal, and the hilt was silver. A dark-red crystal was set in the pommel.

//Niiiice.//

/It's too bad we set a time. It would be easy to take it right now./

//And you're proposing to hide it...where? You can't walk out with a sword up *that* skirt. Well, not that kind of sword.//

/...Riku was right. You *are* a pervert./

//Well *I* don't miss it when creepy boy walks into the room, *especially* if I'm not supposed to be here. There. Whatever. Especially also, when he's right behind me.//

/Unless he's in drag. Then you kiss him./

//Yeah, well...//

Daisuke turned around and smiled at Satoshi. "Hello, Hiwatari-kun. Nobody stopped me anywhere..."

"I really think it would be helpful to re-train some of these guards . They're *much* too lax, even if you *are*..." Satoshi broke off and looked Daisuke over. "...a Niwa."

Daisuke blushed. "Ah...we didn't really...you got called...when Saehara-san...I was going to say..."

//With our luck, if you manage to spit it out, he'll toss you in a fountain to make sure it's you.//

/I don't need your help right now!/

//^_^ Are you thinking of kissing him? Of how nice he was in the café, or how handsome he is?//

Daisuke ignored the comment and said, "I...I...I...had a really good time with you."

//All five minutes of it. Most of which were silent.//

"Thank you," said Satoshi.

Daisuke fidgeted and glanced that he Hi no Bara again. "Do you think Dark will be able to steal it?"

"Yes, but I'm also sure he'll be captured." Satoshi watched Daisuke 's face closely. "I *have* to catch him, no matter how painfully high the cost is, but I'm equally unable to hurt...his other half."

Daisuke flinched. He shook his head and gave Satoshi a long look. "What *about* his other half? How do you feel about *him*?"

"Oh..." Satoshi stepped forward and leaned in to brush a kiss against Daisuke's mouth. "Something like that."

Daisuke thought a moment, then swallowed hard and said, "I'm not sure I understood that. Maybe if you did it again..."

//You are *such* a slut.//

Satoshi's eyes flashed and he pressed his mouth to Daisuke's again. Daisuke flushed when the kiss broke off. "Hiwatari-kun, I..."

//What if he sticks his tongue in your mouth? What if you start making out and end up on the floor with his hands wandering up your skirt and under your blouse?//

/STOP THAT! You're just doing that to.../

//What would you do if he *did* put his hand up your skirt? What if he wanted to strip you down will the full knowledge that you're Daisuke and not "Ai"? What if he...//

There was a flash of light, and Dark Mousy stood in front of Satoshi , smirking. He plucked at the skirt he was wearing, noting that it definitely qualified as a miniskirt on him. Satoshi blinked, then glared at the kaitou.

Dark grinned and stepped out of arm's reach. "Sorry Hiwatari-kun. I just wanted to protect poor Ai-chan's virtue. And embarrass him to no end, of course."

Satoshi raised an eyebrow. "Why shouldn't I just arrest you here and now?"

"Because arresting *me* means never having the opportunity to know what Dai-chan wants to tell you." Dark shrugged. "And you'll *like* what he has to tell you."

Satoshi's eyes narrowed and he said, "Then let him come back so he *can* speak to me."

/Dark, come *on*./

//I'm just playing. I'll let you tell him you'd like him to kiss you and hold you and take you on the museum floor.//

/That's not it and you know it!/

//I just find it amusing that you can go from uneasy friendship to I-think-I-like/love-him in the space of a day. What about Harada?//

/Harada-san...I'll set fire to that bridge when I come to it./

What's not how...//

/I know./

Dark leapt back just in time to avoid being handcuffed. "Now, Hi-wa-ta-ri-kun, that isn't *nice*." Dark relaxed and grinned at Daisuke's squawk in the back of his mind.

/Daaaaark! Don't you *dare* transform by thinking about....about *that*./

//Why shouldn't the thought of you with our friend here be a dokidoki thought?//

/You are *such* a pervert./

Daisuke sighed as they changed back and gave Satoshi and apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about that." He hesitated for a moment, then said, "Hiwatari-kun, I..."

"Hey! You two!" Saehara Takeshi ran into the room and glared at them as if they'd committed some heinous crime. "I heard you went on a date!"

Daisuke blushed and said, "Yes, actually, but it was interrupted. We were about to go out again right now." He gave Satoshi a sharp Look.

Satoshi offered his arm to Daisuke, who took it. Daisuke gave Takeshi an apologetic look. "I can still meet you for the premiere..."

"That's *fine*." Takeshi stalked out.

Satoshi looked at Daisuke, who shrugged. "We might as well finish our date, then, right?"

Satoshi smiled and the two walked out of the museum into the world. The world mostly included Keiji Saga, who decided "Ai-chan" was perfect for his next commercial, the Harada twins, who wanted to know why on earth Niwa-kun wouldn't talk to them, and Inspector Saehara, who was tangled up in the barricade for some reason.